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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004127">Dawn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stars_and_FaerieDust/pseuds/Stars_and_FaerieDust'>Stars_and_FaerieDust</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:00:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,329</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26004127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stars_and_FaerieDust/pseuds/Stars_and_FaerieDust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella doesn't remember the last moments of her life and is too scared to look for the memory. </p><p>But when she arrives in Forks, a tiny town with secrets as deep as her own, she finds people who help her be brave enough to search for them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Edward Cullen/Bella Swan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a Vampire!Bella fic inspired by tumblr user: Twilightbutokayer. (I asked permission to write this up)</p><p>Go check them out, their art is really cool!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The last thing I remember is darkness- </p>
<p>Followed by a fire so hot I was convinced I was in hell. Then… </p>
<p>“Hello? Charlie?” </p>
<p>No one returned my call, my voice bouncing off of the tall trees that surrounded me in a hollow echo that made fear etch into my mind. The sun was setting over the towering birches and pines which would soon plunge this forest into darkness. </p>
<p>“Where am I?” I groan  as I sit up, eyes darting across the clearing as I searched for any sign of my dad. My hand reached up to rub at a sore spot on my head. When my hand pulls away, a splash of color on my palm shocks me. Blood? My fingers rub together and some of it flakes off of my hand, it’s dry… </p>
<p>Move. I had to move. Find Charlie and get out before it got too dark. </p>
<p>“Charlie?” My voice was louder now. How long had I been out? And how did I get here in the first place? The quiet of the forest does nothing by freak me out further. My dad and I never went that far off the main trails whenever we’d go camping. The fact that I couldn’t hear cars rolling away or sliding up, no people chattering as they set up their tents, meant that I was very far from any trail. But.. it felt like I could hear something scuttling around. Okay. No time to freak out. Charlie always said I should stick to one spot if I ever got lost but what if he needed me? The thought made my feet move on their own, following the sun to have as much light to work with as possible. I didn’t stop calling out for Charlie, pressing my lips tightly together after each attempt to listen for any response. </p>
<p>For a long while, I was only met with silence. At some point, I could hear the sound of water. It rushed through what must have been a brook, splattering against rocks and running through reeds. That was a hopeful sign, it meant fresh and decently clean water. </p>
<p>My feet moved faster and suddenly it felt like I was flying forward. The world didn’t rush around me the way it did when I would drive down the highway. Instead, it remained crystal clear. I could see every branch, rock, and root that might have tripped me up as I raced towards the water. It was amazing! So incredible, in fact, that I nearly ran past the brook completely. “Woah!” I exclaimed, planting my feet in the silt which had me soaked to my calves. Not great. </p>
<p>What the hell was that?</p>
<p>I carefully stepped out of the brook, mindful not to move too fast again, and sat myself down at the edge of the water. It was time to get this dried blood off of me. Expecting frigid water, I braced myself as I plunged my hands into the rushing stream. But I found that it was a lot warmer than I thought it’d be. Weird. Water moving this fast never got much of a chance to be heated up by the sun, especially not this late in the day. </p>
<p>Better for me, I could wash my face without gasping at the cold. My eyes slipped to a close as I bent my head forward. After scooping up a handful of the tepid water, I scrubbed at my face. With how much-dried blood had been on my hands I could only imagine how much must’ve settled over my head. Did I fall? Probably. Charlie always laughed at the fact that I would find a way to land on my face when we were going down a perfectly even path. I wanted to hear his laugh now. The low, rough sound of it never failed to make me feel safe. It’d also be nice to hear him shouting for me, finding me after I’d taken a slip and demanding, “Bells, don’t you ever scare me like that again.” </p>
<p>Soon. I’d find him soon. </p>
<p>My eyes fluttered open, blinking away the water from my lashes while I dried my hands on my jeans. I waited for the water to settle back into its usual pattern, I wanted to make sure any blood had come off completely. A horrified gasp left my lips when I could finally see what was staring back at me. What the hell was that?</p>
<p>A girl pale as death looked terrified in the water’s reflection. Her dark hair was tangled around her too-perfect face, a face I couldn’t recognize for a long while. But what scared me the most was the bright red in her eyes that I could see perfectly even as the sun dipped below the horizon and plunged the world into darkness. They were eyes like something out of a horror movie, like a demon. Despite my horror, my heart wasn’t ramming against my chest like it normally would. Actually, for the first time since I woke up, I noticed that my heart wasn’t beating at all. My fingers desperately felt at my neck and wrist, trying to find the familiar thump that would tell me that I was alive. But they found none. Dread seeped into my bones. I felt what should be tears push at my eyes but the heat that usually accompanied them never came and neither did the tears themselves, </p>
<p>I looked back to the girl in the water and watched as her white lips moved to mimic mine, “What am I?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. First day of my Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella starts her new life.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before my life ended, school had never been a source of anxiety for me. Really, I had usually enjoyed it. School allowed me a lot of time to read since I’d usually finish assignments early. And I liked learning. Some people might find that lame but I didn’t really mind it. Plus I usually got along better with teachers than my fellow students. Charlie always told me that I’d been like that since I was a little girl, preferring to talk to adults instead of running around with the kids my age. </p><p>Charlie…</p><p>Sometimes I’d catch myself thinking of him and had to stop before I made myself too upset. Even if I found Charlie, why would he ever want to be around me again? I was a monster. </p><p>Not that any of the students, the source of my current anxiety, would ever notice it. My golden eyes watched the sleepy bunches amble into the grey buildings that made up Fork Highschool. I wasn’t worried about them being mean or ignoring me. That was the least of everyone’s problems. No, I was worried that I might accidentally kill one of them. </p><p>I wasn’t stupid, this wasn’t my first time around humans after whatever the hell happened to me. My monstrosity had been present the first time I’d come into contact with a human. After hiding out in the woods for a year, keeping far away from human voices, and feasting on the animals I would hunt; I decided to try my hand at interacting with people again. Every day I continued existing, I wish I hadn’t. </p><p>A lone man had been hiking down the trails with a huge backpack strapped to him. I could hear the clink of his metal water bottle against what held it to his belt loop. Up until now, I had decided to stay far away from anyone. My eyes were terrifying to myself and I knew any normal person who saw me would absolutely lose it. So I waited until my eyes were an odd orange-yellow. They were nowhere close to a normal color but they weren’t as frightening. Maybe he would think I just had some weird contacts in. As I drew near, the burning in my throat increased; a scalding that felt like someone had shoved a white-hot metal pipe down my throat. In an instant, I was in front of him and there was fear in his eyes before concern took over. “Hey, you okay hun?” He asked, reaching a grizzled hand out toward me. But as he spoke, the scent of him pushed forward with a breeze and I felt my body lock up. His hand came down on my shoulder and the heat seared through me in such a way that I noticed, for the first time, that my body was cold. The wet sound of his heart pushing blood through his warm body was the last thing I remembered. </p><p>When things came back into focus, the limp body was in my hands and his throat was torn open completely. My mouth was still wet and I wished desperately that I could throw up. </p><p>I’d never been more horrified with myself. All the time I’d spent getting my eyes to lose the red only for it to come right back with this grave mistake. I spent the next few years punishing myself with loneliness. The cave I would spend the day in, the shine that came from my skin would scare off prey, was far enough that I didn’t encounter any other people. </p><p>It was another few years of me skulking around campsites, more than far away enough to keep their scent away but close enough that I could hear the wet sounds of their hearts; that alone made me burn with thirst. After years of practice, my eyes taking on more golden colors, I was able to walk through small crowds of people without too much trouble if I held my breath. I could soon have small conversations with cashiers or ask directions from a passerby when I was finding my way around. Of course, I always felt guilty at the things I would have to do to fit in. Stealing clothes felt wrong and picking wallets for cash felt even worse. But going around in the clothes I’d had, torn and bloody from all my time out in the woods, simply wasn’t an option if I wanted to keep attention off of myself. It was a miracle when I finally found a way to integrate without stealing from people. </p><p>At that point, my eyes looked like melted amber. It was a huge step up from what I’d been dealing with before. Hiding out in the forest, staying under shadows when I couldn’t bear the cave walls anymore, had become routine for me. Most days I would just listen to the world. These new ears allowed me to hear everything around me. Squirrels chittering in a tree a few yards away, songbirds a mile or so off, and the babbling of water as it flowed through rivers and brooks. It was as close to peace as I would ever get. Most days, I was still tormented by the thought of the man I had killed. Sometimes my mind would swirl with the thoughts. Did he have a family waiting at home for him? Would his parents know he was gone? Had coworkers and friends called the police to start up a search for him? Many days were spent wallowing in the guilt. It wouldn’t have happened if I had stuck to hiding out in the forest the way a monster should. On one of those days, curled up under a huge pine tree, I head many sets of feet rushing through the forest.</p><p>It wasn’t the clumsy sounds of humans trying to dodge roots and rocks. In fact, I could only barely hear them when they were a mile or two away. Fear had shot me up the pine, breaking a few branches on my way up and clinging to the trunk when I thought I was high enough. </p><p>To my horror, the group of five stopped at the base of my hiding spot. Three blonde girls, a brunette, and a man. I held my breath, not wanting to risk an accident. In town, I was in a prepared mindset. I’d spend hours psyching myself up to have the best control imaginable. Here in the forest, I was in my element. I didn’t want to hurt some group of unsuspecting hikers. What was odd to me was the fact that I couldn’t hear the appetizing sound of a beating heart from any of them. </p><p>After a few moments, one of the blonde women looked up and called out, “Come down, we know you’re up there!” </p><p>That was the first time I’d met one of my own kind. Other vampires. They were surprised by the color of my eyes, asked if I was with anyone else. The man, Eleazar, asked me how I’d come to this existence and I was relieved to say I didn’t know. I was too scared to think of what could have happened to me, to Charlie. They offered to let me tag along with them. “At least to clean up,” Tanya had said, strawberry blonde curls bouncing around her head as she moved to take me by the arm. I was so starved for more than quick hellos, for a place to sit in that wasn’t a cave, that I accepted. For a while, I stayed with all of them. Tanya and her sisters, Irena and Kate, eagerly got me washed up and into clothes that they said I could keep. Carmen was sweet as could be and constantly reassured me that I could stick around as long as I wanted. But Eleazar was more business. One day, he came to me with paperwork. </p><p>It was a social security card, birth certificate, passport, and credit cards. “If you ever want to start up a life somewhere on your own we can help but you’ll need these.” It aged me at 15, definitely something I could pass as. But I didn’t leave right away. Instead, I let my new friends help me learn to get used to being around humans. Tanya, Kate, and Irene were the best at it. They could actually get close to other humans without the thirst getting too bad. Slowly but surely, I learned that I didn’t have to be a monster. One day I could comfortably live just like them. And, after two years of living with them, I decided that I was ready to integrate myself back into human society.</p><p>They helped me get a little house in the outskirts Forks, Washington. A little, rainy town that I could almost live normally in. Kate was perplexed as to why I would enroll in high school, finding such a thing to be boring, but I liked the familiarity. Plus, I hadn’t actually finished high school. It’d be nice to wrap up at least one part of my life. </p><p>When the majority of the students were inside, I finally decided to get out of my new car; a little Audi. All the paperwork that was signed by my “mom” was neatly stacked in my hands. I’d never known Renèe, she had run out on Charlie and I before I could remember things, so I figured it wouldn’t be too horrible if I used her name for the paperwork. Plus she’d never taken Charlie’s name so it wouldn’t actually connect to her. I had to give them to Mrs. Cope, a nice lady who worked the front desk, so that everything would be finalized and I’d have a school schedule. </p><p>The office was small but cute. Like the town, there was a lot of green. Cute four-leaved clover stickers plastered on the side of the woman’s computer reminded me that it was March. Mrs. Cope looked cozy in the tiger-print knit sweater she had on, eyes squinting behind her square glasses at the screen in front of her. I could hear her fingers tapping away at her keyboard, probably dealing with some emails. My footsteps didn’t make any noise so Mrs. Cope jumped when I tapped lightly on the desk to get her attention. “Oh! You gave me a fright, dear,” she laughed, heart pressed against her chest for a moment.</p><p>“Sorry,” my voice was soft as I apologized, trying to breath in as little as possible, as I held the papers out to the older woman. Her hand waved off the apology, smiling sweetly as she took the paperwork and squinted as she looked then over.</p><p>A bright smile came to her lips as she looked back up to me, “Ah, you’re Bella Swan. It’s very nice to meet you sweetheart, me and your mom talked lots.” Irena had taken to voicing my mother, which suited her since she was always watching out for me like one when we’d go out into town together. Mrs. Cope gave a few taps to her keyboard and soon the printer whirred to life and spat out a few papers. After stapling then together, they were placed in my hands and she chimed, “There you go. If you have any problems you make sure to swing by and lemme know. I put a map in there too, just in case. You go and have a nice first day.” </p><p>With a polite nod I stepped out of the office and took a deep breath the moment I was outside. The air was clean and let me think more clearly.</p><p>When I looked down to my schedule, a pang of sadness hit me.</p><p>Swan, Bella.</p><p>No longer would any official papers read “Swan, Isabella M.” I had gone ‘missing’ too recently to use my real name. Eleazar told me I’d have to wait a couple decades before I could. That way it’d be unrealistic for me to be considered the girl who’d gone missing; if there even was an investigation going on. I’d told Eleazar not to look into it. </p><p>With a sad sigh, I saw that I had trigonometry for 1st period and began to make my way to the math building.</p><p>To make my way to the first day of my life.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please make sure to leave kudos, comments or both so I can know how much interest there is in this! Thanks for the love I've gotten so far!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Burning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>School's hard and everything burns.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Being in such close proximity to so many humans in these small rooms was proving itself more difficult than I had anticipated. The scent of all these people mixed in with the wet sounds of their heart and the heat of their bodies set off a burning that was intense as the kind I’d experienced in my first year of this life. </p><p>Being around humans in open spaces was a lot easier than being sat down right next to one. Within the first few minutes of classes I was already being tested. After handing over my schedule to be signed, I was asked to introduce myself to the class. It was a task that filled me with dread. Back when I was still human, I was a little scared to speak up much in front of people. But that wasn’t what was holding me back anymore. Instead, I was stressed about the fact that it was a waste of the fresh air that I had pulled into my lungs to get me through the class period. My eyes were cast to the floor as I introduced myself, keeping it brief both to save air and hear my own voice as little as possible. After getting over the horror of my own existence I had noticed how different my voice was. It was softer, Tanya told me it sounded like bells when I’d laugh. To me, it just reminded me of how different I was. </p><p>What was even worse was that when I sat at my new table, the girl next to me was extremely excited to act as the welcoming committee. It was sweet. She was avidly introducing herself and explaining how Mr. Varner was about turning in assignments late and how he would get mad if you didn’t show your work somewhere. This Jessica girl took my schedule and informed me that we also shared the second class of the day, though she was already sitting next to someone, and she’d be happy to walk me there. I wanted to thank her for her hospitality more, let her know that I was pleased by the warm welcome. But venom pulled in my mouth every time I had to suck in a little hair to say a quiet, “Thanks.” Would I be able to handle this? I was glad to be around people, to have some semblance of normal, but it wouldn’t be worth it if I ended up hurting someone. It was a question that terrorized my thoughts as I went from room to room. My lack of speaking and the innate fear that humans felt once they got too close to a predator made it that very few of the students who spoke to me stuck around for very long. Jessica stuck around. A tall girl named Angela seemed incredibly nervous but dutifully sat next to me during World History. I was pleased in English since the books we needed to read were things that I had already gone through. </p><p>Lunch was going to be a promising relief. </p><p>It was still raining when the bell sounded off and people dashed towards the cafeteria. My steps were slow, I wanted everyone to settle in so that there wouldn’t be too many people who noticed that I wouldn’t sit with any of them. Their scent lingered in the halls, fueling my thirst. I’d thought I’d fed enough but maybe I had too much confidence in my own strength. The thought pulled a sigh from my lips. Maybe I should cut my losses and stay in Alaska with the Denalis for a couple more years before trying again. </p><p>An apple was in my hand by the time I passed through the crowded cafeteria, walking around the perimeter of the room to avoid any familiar faces that might try to have me join them. Instead, I walked out of the double doors and settled on one of the benches that were tucked under the awning just outside of the cafeteria. The fresh air and scent of rain rushed through my lungs like water through a pipe. Much better. I didn’t feel like I was about to lunge forward and drain the nearest warm body I could get my hands on. </p><p>As I turned the apple around my hands, playing with the prop I could crush completely in my hands, I pair of footsteps drawing near pulled by thoughts back to the now. </p><p>It took a minute for the double-doors to open and a tiny figure stepped out. Her dark hair was cut into a little pixie cut, making her face more delicate than it already was. She was dressed in a lovely beige trench coat that cinched around her waist and flared out after like a skirt. Black leggings and deep brown ankle boots decorated her legs. To bring her neutral outfit to life, an ocean blue scarf was tucked around her neck. Her head flicked around as if she was looking for something and only stopped when her dark eyes landed on me. I was only a little surprised by the delight in her face. A lot of the people here seemed to want to welcome me into their little town. </p><p>“Hey, you’re Bella right?” she cheered, bouncing over with a bright grin on her lips. She sat down beside me, hands effortlessly smoothing her skirt out so that it perfectly settled around her. She was so close that our legs were almost touching. The familiarity was... A little off-putting. Most people were too intimidated by the beauty immortality gave me. It’d been a relief since it kept others at a distance. But she seemed perfectly at ease at this moment. </p><p>My hands settled into my lap, practically curling up on myself as I answered, “Uhm, yeah. You’re..?” </p><p>“Alice! Alice Cullen, it’s super nice to meet you!”</p><p>Being outside was helping with being able to sit with Alice. And she was so cheerful that I couldn’t help but smile a little, “Nice to meet you too.” </p><p>“So what’re you doing out here? Wasn’t there anyone you wanted to sit with, no one’s being mean to you are they?” Alice’s questions chimed out in rapid-fire. There was some well-meant worry clear in her bright eyes. It was sweet. I was quick to wave my hands, brushing off whatever offense Alice imagined had taken place for me to be sat by myself. </p><p>She seemed relieved as I reassured her, “No, nothing like that. I just needed some fresh air.” A long “oh,” was sounded off and Alice grinned up at me in a way that made it feel as if it was her job to check up on me. </p><p>“Well, sitting outside by yourself can get pretty boring pretty fast. Whenever you come back inside, you can sit with me and my brothers! My boyfriend sits with us too. I’m sure they’d be super happy to have you join us,” Alice offered, hand going down in what seemed to be an effort to grab mine. I snatched my hand away, maybe a little too fast, before I could find out what she had intended. My mouth was pressed into a hard line. I didn’t want anyone to feel how cold and hard my skin was, it reminded me of a dead person; which was technically what I was. Alice seemed apologetic rather than angry like I had expected. Her hand fiddled with the end of her scarf and she looked sheepish as she said, “Sorry, I forgot not everyone’s as touchy-feely as me. I hope I didn’t come off as weird or anything..” </p><p>“No- not weird. I just.. I don’t really like being touched.” </p><p>“I get that! I’ll leave you to enjoy the rest of your lunch. Feel free to sit with me if you ever want to,” Alice said, offering up another pretty smile before standing and making her way back inside. Some fear bubbled up in me. Alice seemed like a sweet girl who was just trying to be nice and it kind of felt like I had ruined that attempt. My eyes went to the apple that was still in my hand, frowning at the glistening, red fruit for a moment. </p><p>Holding it away from myself, my fist clenched and it practically exploded; juices sliding down my hand as I let the destroyed fruit fall to the ground. The rain washed the remnants off of my hand and I sighed as the bell rang out to let me know I had to go back inside. </p><p>Back to the burning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for all the support so far! If you want, make sure to comment, give kudos, critics, or all of the above to lemme know what you think.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Massacre</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>No matter how hard it tries, a monster is still a monster.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Biology promised to be as level as the rest of the day. Mike had caught me as I walked through the double doors and asked me what my next class was, delighted when I told him the class. He had the same one and was happy to show me the way. It was nice to know I didn’t alienate everyone. </p>
<p>He chattered as we walked, a big grin on his face as he practically bounced next to me. Mike reminded me of a golden retriever. Not a bad thing but it seemed like it would be exhausting. </p>
<p>Mr. Banner’s classroom was crowded with decorations. Student-made posters were plastered on every inch of the wall, stuffed snakes and owls hanging from the ceiling, and the back was lined with all kinds of science equipment that couldn’t fit inside of the shelves. It was kind of cute, comforting. It showed that most of the people in this class put effort into making it their own place. </p>
<p>“Ah, you must be our new student,” the older man hummed, reaching out to take my schedule and sign it off, continuing, “Bella, good to meet you. You’ll be at that table all the way in the back at the far right, you have a lab partner who I’m sure’ll have any notes you may have missed.” His hand pointed towards the right place and I nodded, glad that he wasn’t making me stay there to introduce myself to the class. I was even happier when I saw that the table was empty. It would be a little bit of relief to sit in class and listen to the lecture without thinking about how warm the body next to me was. My hands moved to pull a notebook out. With this new body I had damn near perfect recall but I took notes anyway. It’d make me look more human and helped with making me feel a little bit more like my old self. </p>
<p>For the first 10 minutes of the lecture, I had the table to myself. It was nice. A lot of the other students had tried to talk to me through the other classes which made controlling myself more difficult since even little sounds of affirmation took some breathing. On my own, I didn’t have to say a word. All I had to do was remember to move my shoulders like I was breathing. The fan that was whirring at full speed in the hopes to give a relieving gush of wind in the heated room wasn’t allowing me to make use of my lungs. But it wasn’t so bad. </p>
<p>As I listened to Mr. Banner talking about genetic diversity, I could hear the sounds of students walking up and down the hall. Some were probably headed toward the bathroom. Others might’ve been going to the office or running an errand for another teacher. But my ears perked up when I heard a pair of footsteps walking towards our classroom. After a few moments the door opened and in came a tall boy with bronze-red hair and dark green eyes. An apologetic smile on his lips when Mr. Banner stopped and looked towards him but he didn’t seem upset by the boy’s interruption. He instead smiled in return as he playfully scolded, “Tell Ms. Ellis she can’t keep stealing you from my class.” His voice was quieter as he continued, so the other students wouldn’t hear, “Ask your labmate if she needs notes, I don’t want her to fall behind.” The boy’s eyes landed on me for a moment before returning to Mr. Banner and nodding seriously. He gave the sense of someone who took any responsibilities given to him with great earnest. I'd heard a few of the other students be asked the same favor by a couple of other teachers but it seemed they wanted to wait on it or simply didn't want to go to that kind of trouble for someone they didn't know. </p>
<p>This handsome boy began his way towards and I prepared myself mentally. He would say hi and ask me if I needed his notes so I could catch up on anything I might’ve missed. It would be good to have them, I couldn’t be sure of how much of it I’d lost since the last time I’d been in school. </p>
<p>His long legs took him down the aisle quickly, round around me to settle into the empty chair at my side. My head turned towards him as he sat, glad that I couldn’t blush anymore because the smile he offered was sweet and crooked in a way that’s rather charming. It’s the kind of smile that makes my own pull at my lips without even thinking about it. “Hey, nice to meet you, I’m Edward,” his voice was quiet and low, not wanting to interrupt the lecture again.  </p>
<p>“Bella, nice to meet you too.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure it’s rough moving in the middle of the year. If you’d like to get my notes I can make you a copy.” </p>
<p>“Oh, sure. Thanks, that’d be great,” I answered softly, finally out of the air I had stored away in my lungs. If he kept the conversation open I was going to have to breathe in. It would probably feel like a punch in the face so I locked my body up and prepared myself mentally for the scents that would assault me. Just in case Edward started a conversation up again, I began to take a slow breath in. </p>
<p>But midway through, I had to stop. </p>
<p>The scent, instead of rolling in the way it usually did, slammed into me like a train barreling down the tracks. It was so much better than anything else in the world. Almost instantly, venom pooled in my mouth and my muscles tensed to spring instead of hold myself in place. My dark brown locks had spilled over my shoulder so I could openly observe the prey at my side without catching its attention. The fact that he was a seemingly sweet and hardworking boy didn’t matter anymore because there was nothing I could ever want more than the feeling of his honey blood filling my mouth. I could already imagine the relief that it would bring. It would soothe the scalding heat in my throat, fill me with a euphoria I’d never felt in my life. But something caught my attention, all of the other heartbeats in the room. It’d be a shame that all of these lives would have to go. There would be a lot of screaming once they saw the massacre that was coming and it would be stupid, and cruel, of me to let it go on too long. </p>
<p>Perhaps it’d be best if I got to all of them first? There’d be less screaming. I’d never used this body for such violence aside from hunting but I knew it wouldn’t take me very long to kill them all and then drink from the young man at my side. </p>
<p>My teeth snapped together loudly enough that it shocked a few of the humans around me, their heads turning to find the noise. The familiar darkness that would cloud my mind as I allowed my instinct to kill take over began to flow. I was preparing to launch myself at one of the girls at the table beside me. If I moved fast enough almost none of them would know what was going on. But my predatory instincts stopped me from moving as I heard the loud sound of someone running towards the room. The door to the room practically slammed open and my eyes snapped towards the intrusion. </p>
<p>Alice. Her cheeks were flushed. The girl’s chest was moving faster than normal and her dark eyes flashed towards me with a look that made some form of logic return to my beast-like mind. Her voice brought me further out of the massacre I had been planning, </p>
<p>“Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Banner, but Bella’s needed at the office.” </p>
<p>My eyes widened slightly. Mr. Banner looked more shocked then I did but shrugged and nodded towards me, I found that there was a grand flood of relief that rushed through my body. A very different relief than I had been about to find. I stiffly nodded my head and moved towards the open door where Alice was waiting for me. The whole walk, I had to will my body to go at a human speed. It was infuriating. </p>
<p>But any kind of anger, thirst, or frustration left me completely when I was finally outside of the cramped classroom and took in some mostly clean air. What replaced all of those emotions was pure horror and disgust. All I could do was think about what a monster I was. I was only moments away from killing all of those people and for what? Because the scent of Edward, a boy with a life and a family and a future, was too good? What was even the point of me being here at this school and putting so many people at risk? Because I was so selfish that I would risk other people’s lives to make myself feel better about what I was? Was I really so wicked that I just didn't take other people into consideration anymore? Was being a vampire such a curse that it had warped me into a monster. </p>
<p>No, I was worse than a monster. At least a monster knew to stay hidden away from the rest of the world. </p>
<p>Alice’s voice sounded off, reminding me that I wasn’t alone, “Sorry for the fib, you’re not actually needed at the office. But I think it’d be a good idea if you called your mom and excused yourself for the day. Coach Clapp will be happy to meet you tomorrow.” My eyes slide down to the smaller girl, confusion swirling my thoughts for a few moments. What was with this girl? She couldn’t know what was going to happen but there was some kind of knowing glint in her eyes. But if Alice knew what I was going to do, why would she be so calm about it? It was a stupid thought. This girl didn’t know me and couldn’t know what I was. But... I needed to know what Alice thought she knew. </p>
<p>“Why..?” </p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think now is the time to really get into it. You should go home and relax. Tomorrow’s a new day and I’m sure you’ll feel better by then.” </p>
<p>My jaw clenched, anxious about what Alice thought about me. But she was right. I needed to go home. </p>
<p>Home... Was anything really home to me anymore? </p>
<p>But that didn’t matter right now. I watched as Alice slipped back into the room and soon returned with my bag and handed it over to me in a way that seemed she was purposefully avoiding my skin. She obviously was thinking about my not wanting to be touched thing from earlier. A smile was on her lips once more and she hummed, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” All I answered with was a curt nod before I made my way towards the parking lot. </p>
<p>I couldn’t promise that I would ever see Alice again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for all the support I've been getting! As you can see, I've added in how many chapters there'll be because I finally finished my outline for the fic. </p>
<p>If you're enjoying it so far, feel free to leave kudos, comments, or both!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bella thinks about going back to Alaska and goes on a hunt.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The only reason I didn’t run all the way to the house I was living in was because I’d feel bad leaving my car there. It’d be annoying for someone to have to tow it out once it was left there for a few days. Plus, it would raise a lot of questions if the new girl’s car was just sitting abandoned in the school’s parking lot. </p>
<p>There was a sense of sorrow in me. My first day was done earlier than I had thought it would and it ended horribly. I was immensely grateful to Alice. Whatever had compelled her to come into that classroom and pull me out for the rest of the day had saved me from acting like a complete beast. But even though I hadn’t gone through with it, I knew that the instincts were still there. In the years I’d spent trying to learn to control myself I thought I had made a lot of progress. Looking at it now it was clear that I was still stuck in square one. I wasn’t any less close to seeming human the way the Denali clan could and it felt like a slap to the face. </p>
<p>It was so stupid of me to insist on being here by myself. Even more idiotic was the belief that I was ready to be so close to people. I should’ve been content to be around kind people who understood the kind of existence I had now. But there was this inherent need inside of me to be around humans. Perhaps it was because there was some guilt. </p>
<p>Charlie was always a constant in my mind. It was ridiculous, even to myself, that I didn’t try to find out what happened to him. But… I was scared. From the moment I realized how monstrous I was, when I fed on that poor man, I understood what could have happened to Charlie. Whoever had changed me could’ve killed my dad. Charlie had always seemed like a hard, tough man. His work as a firefighter has kept his body strong and, even as I got older, he could easily heft me over his shoulder. Up until the change, I thought my dad was always going to be one of the strongest men that I had ever met. But now I knew just how fragile humans were. If I so much as poked one of them with too much effort then I would risk breaking their bones. The person who had been responsible for ending my previous life would’ve easily been able to overtake my dad. Even more horrifying, there was a chance I had done something to him and couldn’t remember it. There were a lot of things I couldn’t remember from just before my change. There was a crippling fear that I would have had something to do with his death. </p>
<p>And if he was alive, he wasn’t going to want a monster for a daughter. </p>
<p>The thought of Charlie seeing me with golden eyes and skin so pale that it reminded me of Grandma Swan when we’d attended her funeral terrified me. I could see what would come with ease. Charlie would be scared. His missing daughter back from the dead only to look nothing like she had before. But my dad would be brave enough to try. Then he would hug me, feel how freezing my body was, and shove me away. There might be some screaming. Or he would settle for simply telling me to get away from him and never come back. Maybe he would even say that I wasn't really his daughter. The thought of such a thing happening made me lonelier than I could have ever imagined. Every time I thought about it, an aching pit formed in my stomach and wouldn’t go away for days. </p>
<p>My loneliness had made me selfish for people to distract me. My fear had made me too cowardly to know what the fate of my beloved father was. </p>
<p>A sigh leaves my lips as I open the door to the little house I’d thought to live in as I pretended to be human. It was small, cute. The dark wood of the floors and walls were lightened up by the white bookshelves and dressers. I’d been so happy when I filled out the big wall of bookshelves, mostly with my favorites and all the other stuff I’d read during my living with the Denalis. But there were also plants scattered around. Mostly cacti, little pieces of Arizona since there wasn’t really any way I could ever go back. Despite my week and a half of living there, still setting things up for school, I had managed to make a mess. There were jackets slung across the back of the plush, brown coach and there was a stack of CDs next to the coffee table instead of on their own shelf. There wasn’t much use for the kitchen but I’d gone ahead and painted the cabinets white to match the stuff I’d picked out. And painted on some purple flowers onto some of the outer edges because they’d made me smile. The thought of having to leave it all behind soured my mood further. </p>
<p>The phone ringing took me out of my head. </p>
<p>Within moments I was at the little, yellow device that was attached to the far wall of the kitchen. After unhooking it and pressing it to my ear, I answered, “Hello?” </p>
<p>“Bella!” Irena. </p>
<p>The soothing sound of Irena’s voice managed to pull a brief smile to my lips. She’d been the most anxious about my leaving and had told me she’d call often to check in on me. Irena had even offered to move down with me but I insisted on trying to be independent. I was sure she’d be happy to hear that I was coming back to Alaska. </p>
<p>“Oh, I’m so glad you answered. I thought I was calling a little early,” her voice, warm as honey and high as windchimes, continued, “How did everything go? Did you have a nice time?” Irena was everything I imagined a mom would be like. Since the day I had joined them, she’d fussed over me. When Eleazer had brought up finding out about Charlie’s location, she’d seen the look on my face and instantly shot down the idea before he could press me further. When things were really hard, when I felt like there was a hole punched through my chest because I had thought about my dad too much, Irena would hold me to her chest and tell me stories about their early days in Russia when they’d wear big ball gowns to fancy parties and purposefully ruin them when they’d run through the snow. </p>
<p>“It was okay but…” </p>
<p>“Are you alright? Do you need us to come down?” </p>
<p>“No, everything's fine, its just..” my voice trailed off for a moment, throat burning at the memory of Edward’s scent as I said, “Something almost happened. This boy, his scent was… It was almost too much, I barely stopped myself. I need to go back, it was stupid of me too-” </p>
<p>“Bella.” </p>
<p>“I’m obviously not ready, I’m really sorry that I made everyone go through all this trouble.” </p>
<p>“Bella.” </p>
<p>“Maybe in a few years, I can try again-” </p>
<p>“Isabella!” </p>
<p>The sound of my actual name being called made me stop, teeth pressing into my lower lip. I was worried. Irena was always kind to me but she couldn’t hide the worry that’d been present in the days before my coming down to Forks. I was ready to hear her lecture me a little, tell me that it was wise for me to come back right away and give myself time to build my control. But Irena surprised me.</p>
<p>“I don’t think you should come back.” </p>
<p>“What? Why? I almost-” </p>
<p>“Exactly. Almost. But you managed to reign yourself in and it seems like nothing actually went wrong.” </p>
<p>“Only just barely. I could have killed someone.” </p>
<p>“As such is our kind, none of us have perfect control of our thirst. But you stopped, which is absolutely amazing progress. You know you’re always welcome back here with us but I think it’ll be good for you to stick around, finish your schooling like you said you wanted.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know…” </p>
<p>“Think about it. Give it a couple days, see if you get used to it, and if you really think it’s too much then we’ll get things settled for you to come home. Lord knows I’ll always need a hand when Katie and Tanya get into it.” </p>
<p>Home. Yes, the Denalis were as close to home as I was ever going to have again. It was nice to hear that Irena believed in me, that she wanted me to keep trying. Her confidence made me want to try, to show that her faith in my control was warranted. Another sigh left my lips but I finally answered, “Alright, I’ll think about it. I’m gonna go hunt, see if that helps.” </p>
<p>“Good, give me a call when you figure out what you want to do.” </p>
<p>Irena passed the phone around so I could say hello to everyone. Kate was asking me if school was as enjoyable as I'd told her it was. Tanya told me about the lovely pictures she'd taken of the night sky and that she'd email me some copies tonight. Carmen reminded me that if I needed help with Spanish homework that she was only a call away. And Eleazar reassured me that Tanya and Kate hadn't been bickering too much since I'd been gone. We exchanged our goodbyes and I was left to my own devices once more. I really did want to try but... It wouldn’t be worth accidentally taking someone’s life. But I’d told Irena I would think about it. </p>
<p>Hunting sounded like a great idea though. Maybe I was thirstier than I thought I was. </p>
<p>My bag was dumped into the empty kitchen chair and I was out the door. It was a relief to run at my full speed. I’d been holding myself back for so long that I hadn’t realized how my body ached to indulge in some form of release. The large trees, coated with moss and stretched to shade every inch of the ground below, flew past me as I ran through the woods. Now, I was moving so quickly that it barely felt like my feet were touching the long branches or the sturdy boulders as I launched myself towards the sounds of hooves thudding against fallen leaves and wet dirt. There was a herd of deer a mile or so out, I could drain a few and see if that made me feel any better about the thought of staying in Forks. </p>
<p>As I allowed my instincts to take over, my shoulders hunched slightly and my legs shot me forward faster. </p>
<p>My body slammed into the huge buck, I could hear its bones snapping as my arms whipped around its large body. It’s dressed sounds filled the air and were only silenced as my teeth sank into the pulsing point in its throat, These teeth sank into the thick fur and muscle without any issues, almost like biting into butter. My hands sunk into its body and relief for the burning in my throat rushed down and settled into every little part of my body. As I finished off the buck, a new scent reached my nose that stopped me from going to find more. </p>
<p>It wasn’t food. It was an enemy, something that could hurt me. </p>
<p>I quickly dropped the corpse and swirled on the ball of my foot, body twisting into a crouch. On instinct, my teeth bared and a hiss pushed out of my throat in a way that had never happened before. Whatever was here, I didn’t want it to get anywhere near me. </p>
<p>So, I was stunned when a young man with long, dark locks stepped out from behind one of the large trees; hands raised in front of him as if to show he wasn’t a threat. </p>
<p>“Hey, relax. Go ahead and put the chompers away.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks a million for all of the support so far! I hope you're enjoying the direction I'm taking this in. Feel free to leave kudos, comments, or both!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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